Jokes & Funnies

[TheMarlin]

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[slinger]

Despite Liverpool only finishing 3rd, I've really quite enjoyed this season's Premier League; so much so, in fact, that I went out today and bought a brand spanking new 75" telly to watch next season on. Well, I got it home and unboxed it, and I couldn't believe it, no Leeds.

[savvypaul]

Despite Liverpool only finishing 3rd, I've really quite enjoyed this season's Premier League; so much so, in fact, that I went out today and bought a brand spanking new 75" telly to watch next season on. Well, I got it home and unboxed it, and I couldn't believe it, no Leeds.

Leeds would have laughed more...

[slinger]

It gets better (or worse, depending on your standpoint).

[TheMarlin]

[TheMarlin]

[TheMarlin]

[TheMarlin]

[DaveyTed]

A dwarf was drinking in a bar when a sexy blonde walked up to him and said "I’ve always wanted to have sex with a little person"
The dwarf replied, "I’m sorry, but I’ve had women say that before then I go home with them and the husband or boyfriend finds out and I get beaten up"
"It's ok" said the woman, "my husband is working away until next week"
So, against his better judgement he goes back with the woman. They start having amazing sex when suddenly the front door opens.
"It’s my husband!!" she said. "Quick, hang out of the bedroom window and when he goes for a shower, you can climb in and get away"
So the dwarf climbs out of the window and hangs on the ledge by his fingertips.
The husband comes into the bedroom and says "It’s cold in here" slams the window shut and the dwarf plummets to the ground. The woman is distraught and calls an ambulance.
A couple of days later she goes to visit the dwarf in the hospital. "How are you," she asked.
"Well, my fingers are broken, I’ve got two broken ankles, a dislocated hip and severe concussion," he said.
"Oh dear," she said. "Still, it could have been much worse",
"Much worse!?" said the dwarf. "How do you figure that out?".
"Well," she said, "you’re lucky that I live in a bungalow".

[TheMarlin]