Jokes & Funnies

[TheMarlin]

[howardc1951]

A man gets pulled over by the police. The police officer tells him he was doing 60 in a 50 zone. " Was I officer? I'm sure I wasn't going more than 50". "No" says his wife, "you were definitely doing 65". "Be quiet" says the man. "And" says the policeman, "you've got a broken tail light". "Have I?". "That must have happened while I was parked just now". "No" says his wife. "You've been talking about getting it fixed for at least a month." "Will you shut up woman" says the man. "Does he always talk to you like that?" asks the policeman. "Oh no" says the wife. "Only when he's drunk!"

[TheMarlin]

[TheMarlin]

[TheMarlin]

[TheMarlin]

[Grumpytim]

Stolen from Linkedin of all places..

An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at the top of her lungs,
"I have a gun, and I know how to use it! Get out of the car - NOW!"
The four men didn't wait for a second threat. They got out and ran like mad. The lady, somewhat shaken, then proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and got into the driver's seat. She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition. She tried and tried, and then she realized why. It was for the same reason she had wondered why there was a football, a Frisbee, and two 12-packs of beer in the front seat.
A few minutes later, she found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down. She loaded her bags into her own car and drove to the police station to report her mistake. The Sergeant to whom she told the story couldn't stop laughing! He pointed to the other end of the counter, where four pale men were reporting a carjacking by a mad, elderly woman described as white, less than five feet tall, glasses, curly white hair, and carrying a large handgun.
No charges were filed.

[TheMarlin]

[slinger]

[slinger]