Jokes & Funnies

[slinger]

[howardc1951]

Only in America...do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and diet Coke.
Only in America...do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

Only in America...do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
Only in America...do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight

Only in America...do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why don't you ever see the headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?
Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word?
Why is it that doctors call what they do 'practice'?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections ?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

[Geoff.R.G]

Only in America...do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and diet Coke.
Only in America...do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
Only in America...do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

In the United Kingdom you pay a premium for a non-diet soft drink
In the United Kingdom the banks chain the pens down
In the United Kingdom garages are built to a specification that was determined before most cars were built, if I got my car in the garage I would have to exit via the boot!

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
Flying is safe, getting off the plane is another matter!

[slinger]

In the United Kingdom you pay a premium for a non-diet soft drink

I'm old enough to remember the invention of the mini skirt, and the fuss the tabloid newspapers made about them costing more than "normal" length skirts, and when they got hold of the fact that they cost exactly the same to dry clean as skirts with twice, or three times as much material in them...

[Fretless]

Rush sign new drummer:

[slinger]

[howardc1951]

I'm so bored tonight that I've just phoned a random number in India to see if they've had an accident.

[TheMarlin]

[TheMarlin]

It’s was a few years back that the BBC made this typo, but still find it funny.

[TheMarlin]